Love or Commitment? Researchers have confirmed that the single most important quality in keeping a marriage stable over the long-term is commitment. Commitment is an intention to maintain a relationship over time. In the words of commitment researcher, Dr. Scott Stanley, it is “We with a future.” People generally commit to someone in long-term relationships in western cultures because they are “in love.” While that’s a difficult construct to define, there is general agreement that it is associated with positive feelings toward someone and a desire to be with them on a more permanent basis. Love is a general term, tends to shift meaning in long-term relationships, and is highly subjective. Beginning stages of romantic relationships elicit physiological responses people associate with “love,” like higher motivation and energy, and a desire to seek out the love connection. Over time, physiology tends to return to baseline, and love can feel very different. In part, commitment is the constant in the shifting dynamic of long-term love. Two Parts of Commitment Commitment in marriage is commonly considered to have two parts, which are sometimes referred to as the “want to” and “have to” aspects:
Functions of Commitment In summary, it’s unreasonable to expect that long-term relationships will always provide high individual satisfaction. Commitment is the glue that keeps it secured when individual satisfaction is waning. Here are some specific functions:
Why Does Understanding Commitment Matter More Than a Decade Ago? This is my anecdotal opinion as a clinician, but there are important cultural shifts impacting long-term relationships which I have witnessed. Understanding commitment can help maintain marital stability in the face of these changes:
How to Maximize Commitment
It’s my perception that in our individualistic society, commitment in marriage is diminishing, which is unfortunate, because, the types of stable relationships fostered by commitment are ideal for raising children. If people understood it better, they might be more intentional in their long-term relationships. References: Assessing Commitment in Personal Relationships by Stanley, S. & Markman, H. J. (1992) in Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54 (3), 595-697. DOI: 10.2307/35324.x Communication, Conflict and Commitment: Insights on the Foundations of Relationship Success from a National Survey by Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J. & Whitton, S. W. (2002) in Family Process, 41(4) 659-675 DOI: 10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.00659.x Commitment: Functions, Formation, and the Securing of Romantic Attachment by Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K. & Whitton, S. W. (2010) in Journal of Family Theory and Review, 2(4), 243-257 DOI: 10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00060.x Photo Credit: Copyright: 72soul / 123RF Stock Photo |