Why doesn t anyone want to be with me

Being single is not always easy, especially in a world where it seems like everyone is paired off. Someone who is single might see couples everywhere they go. Sometimes this awareness can sting, and it might even lead a person to think something is wrong with them. However, being single is no indication of a flaw or failing, and it certainly has no impact on a person’s worth or worthiness of love.

This article will offer ways to build self-love and self-confidence. Treating yourself well may make you more attractive to others, but also, more importantly, it can remind you that you are enough, just as you are so you aren't thinking "why don't people like me?".

Why Do I Feel This Way?

If you catch yourself thinking, “Why does no one want me?”know that you are not alone. There are many reasons why a person might feel this way. Whether you have gone through a difficult breakup, are struggling with unemployment, are dealing with anxiety or depression, or are simply going through a hard time, you may feel defeated and alone. Know that you are not the only person to have felt this way, and you do not need to feel this way permanently.

This article offers real solutions to help you move forward with confidence. Equipping yourself to find a new, strong relationship is not about improving your headshot or sprucing up the description on your dating profile, nor is it about mastering conversational quips or finding the right local hotspots. You do not need to let your future happiness depend on luck and surface details.

The details that can bring you happiness, both in the short term and in the long term, are under the surface. The kind of “work” that you can take on in order to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship will make you a healthier person all on your own. By focusing on self-confidence, self-care, self-esteem, and self-love, you can also prepare yourself to find someone who will be good to you, but it all starts with being good to yourself.

The Beauty Of Self-Confidence

It's been said that the most attractive characteristic of any person is self-confidence. No matter how someone looks, their self-confidence is what draws others in.

Think of someone you know who always seems to receive positive attention. Don’t worry about whether they are the most conventionally attractive, most talented, or most intelligent person you know.Just think about the way that individual carries themselves. When they enter a room, they most likely hold their head up and their shoulders back, moving their hands and feet with purpose. They probably make strong eye contact and engage readily in conversations. They probably offer attention to those around them, too. This kind of social ease and self-assuredness is self-confidence.

A self-confident demeanor can make a better impression than any physical attribute. If you think that having self-confidence is a challenge for you, take heart in knowing you are not doomed to have low self-confidence forever. Self-confidence is a skill that can be learned and strengthened, just like anything else.

1. Build Self-Confidence With Self-Care

The best way to build self-confidence is through self-care. Self-care is different for everybody because, at the end of a long day, everybody unwinds in different ways. Figure out what simple pleasures make you feel relaxed, at ease, or happy.

For example, you might want to start with food. Think about a few dishes you enjoy or would like to cook. Either in your own kitchen or via takeout, you can explore new foods, flavors, and styles. Do it to make yourself happy, and keep in mind that developing your own interests, talents, and hobbies will give you greater confidence and conversational ability as you meet new people, too. You can learn how to prepare a fantastic meal or dessert, or you can suggest a dinner date at a restaurant that you know is great.

Some people find self-care in restorative relaxation, like long baths, gentle yoga, or music. Others prefer active pastimes like hiking or jogging. If you are extroverted, you might like to arrange a regular social gathering with friends, or if you’re introverted, a quieter time with one or two close friends. From working out to attempting new skills and hobbies to joining a book club, there are many ways to take care of yourself and restore your feelings of peace and wholeness. When you feel better from the inside out, you can exude self-confidence.

1. Self-Care Also Builds Self-Esteem

Beyond self-confidence, you will also benefit from building your self-esteem, which refers to the way you see yourself, your abilities, and your accomplishments. Self-esteem can be shaped by our caregivers, early environments, authority figures, peers, and other individuals in our lives. Most of all, though, we have the power to shape it ourselves. Even if you don’t feel like it, you have power over your own self-image, and you can tap into this incredible power at any time.

Taking care of yourself allows you to feel clearheaded and restored, instead of burned out or depleted. When you feel better, you are able to see yourself better. Once you have engaged in a self-care activity or pastime, allow yourself to reflect on your positive qualities and accomplishments. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend, and you may feel your self-esteem rise. With healthy self-esteem, you can gain a better understanding of yourself and the positive ways in which others may see you.

Self-Esteem Creates Self-Love

It's difficult to be in a solid relationship and to love another person without loving yourself first. If you constantly need affirmation due to a lack of self-confidence, self-care, and self-esteem, a partner may be unable or unwilling to provide adequate support. Having a low opinion of your own worth may also make you more vulnerable to relationships that are manipulative or unhealthy. Furthermore, you may still feel dissatisfied or distrustful within a healthy relationship if you don’t consider yourself worthy of it.

For these reasons, it's important to take time to evaluate your self-confidence, feed it with legitimate acts of self-care, and allow that self-care to promote your self-esteem, so that self-love can naturally follow. Remind yourself as often as needed that you deserve love—from trusted loved ones, but also from yourself. In fact, that's the most important place to start.

Where To Start

If you're currently experiencing low self-confidence or self-esteem, building self-love may seem impossible. You may even feel that you don’t deserve to be happy. Try to fight these counterproductive thoughts by treating yourself like a friend you are trying to encourage. If a dear friend was in your position, what would you say to lift their spirits and show them what they mean to you? Offer yourself the same support.

Rather than tear yourself down over a mistake or missed opportunity, let it go and reiterate positive actions and choices instead. Most of all, give yourself time, space, and plenty of kindness. You truly do deserve it.

How Counseling Can Help Get You There

Beginning a journey of self-care and self-love can be difficult and intimidating, and many people seek out additional support to help them along the way. If you think that accountability and patient support may benefit you as you move forward, you may want to consider working with a therapist or counselor. Pursuing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may also be a helpful approach to raising your self-esteem, and an online therapist through BetterHelp can guide you through CBT from the comfort of your own home.

Online therapy has several advantages over in-person services. Online therapy is convenient, and affordable; because you can arrange your sessions with a therapist around your schedule and lifestyle, you can meet whenever and wherever you’d like. You can work with a therapist at BetterHelp by video chat, phone call, or text messaging. If you think you could use some extra support from an expert for your self-love journey, you can get started today. Here are reviews from BetterHelp users who have found support and higher self-esteem.

Counselor Reviews

"I feel extremely comfortable talking with Shannon Francom. She has a very warm personality and has been working with me to help me feel more confident in standing up for myself and improving my self esteem in all areas of life."

"Jodi has been of great help and has helped me work on a few different aspects of my life. I've struggled with intimacy related issues that have caused my self esteem to dip, as well as career path anxiety. He's been a great help in guiding me to feel better about everything which has allowed me to continue to improve and get better. I'll definitely be coming back to him in the future if needed."

Conclusion

Try to stop asking, “Why does no one want me?” You are one of a kind, and somebody absolutely does want you. If you can start by learning to love and appreciate yourself as an individual, you can feel more attractive, happier, and more confident, and you will be much better prepared to experience happiness in a relationship. You deserve to feel loved and valued, and the right tools can help. Take the first step today.

If you’re single and dating, you will most likely have the magical experience of meeting a guy you really like. Like really. He has everything you’ve ever wanted in a guy. He’s fun to be around, he’s as great to look at as he is to talk to, and he’s an all-around awesome guy. The catch? He doesn’t want you.

Oof.

It is the worst possible feeling there is. Even worse than a breakup sometimes. You don’t get it. Everything seemed so great, what’s the problem? Why doesn’t he want me?

MORE: 11 Definite Signs He Doesn’t Like You

You can’t help but travel along the path of negativity. Am I not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Not interesting enough? It must be something!

I have been through this so many times. Being wanted, but not wanted enough. And it’s crushing. I think the most devastating case for me was good old Kevin the Damage Case.

We had electric chemistry, we got along, could talk for hours and hours, we had similar goals and values … but he just didn’t want to be with me. He just didn’t “see it.”

MORE: How to Get Over a Guy Who Doesn’t Like You Back

I call him a damage case for a reason. He’s pretty emotionally damaged. He never had a healthy relationship before me and had a bunch of other issues. I knew this, but I still thought I could be the exception. I thought I could be the woman that inspired him to change. I thought that if only I were “enough” he would be healed. I thought what a lot of women think and like all those women, I got painfully burned.

I just couldn’t accept the reality of the situation. He likes me and I like him. We’re so good together … so why aren’t we actually together?

Maybe it’s his damage, maybe it’s that we just weren’t a match (in time I realize it’s actually a combination of both), the reasons don’t matter, the facts do.

MORE: Why the Guys You Want Don’t Want You

And here’s something very important to understand about men …

Guys are either all in, or not.

There is not really a middle ground. But the “not” covers a wide range. It covers the guy who is totally not interested in you whatsoever, to the guy who is semi-interested but not enough. When a guy likes you, he is all in. And it is obvious. As in, clear as day, no room for interpretation or doubt.

MORE: Signs He Doesn’t Like You

No excuse he gives is going to give you the clarity you crave. Maybe he says he’s stressed at work, now isn’t the right time, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, he likes things the way they are right now …. but it’s all just code for he doesn’t want to be with you.

When I was single and dating, a friend put it to me like this: “You want a guy who is going to look at you and say, ‘I can’t believe you exist.’ And something clicked inside and I realized, that’s what I want! None of the guys in my life had ever given me that. All they gave me was uncertainty and doubts and feelings of not being enough.

It was a few years after that conversation that I started dating my husband. And I think it was maybe on our third date he looked me dead in the eye and said, “I just can’t believe you’re real. Where have you been all this time?” And he gave me the look. The “I can’t believe you exist and you’re mine” look. That isn’t some unrealistic Hollywood ideal. That’s what it looks like to be thoroughly wanted. A guy sending you texts here and there and being all in some days and vanished without a trace others is a guy who does not want you in the way you want to be wanted. He doesn’t want you in the way that actually matters.

MORE: Signs He Doesn’t Care About You

So if a guy doesn’t want you, why doesn’t he just let you go? Why does he keep reappearing (and always just when you start moving on)?

Well … it’s not always so cut and dry. He may not want a relationship with you, but that doesn’t mean he has zero feelings for you. He may be attracted to you, he may enjoy your company, he may find you to be a really cool chick … he just doesn’t want to be with you and like I said, the reasons don’t matter. You just need to take it at face value and try not to take it personally.

MORE: Ask a Guy – Signs He’s Not Into You

If he doesn’t want to be with you in the way you want, it’s not because you’re unlovable, undesirable, or flawed in some way. It’s not because he’s a bad guy with bad intentions who wants to break your heart. It’s not because he’s trying to play you. It’s mostly due to circumstances and choices. Some of this is under your control, and some isn’t.

I am the type of person who always needs to know. That’s probably how I ended up doing this for a living! So if you’re like me and need a reason, well here are some of the most common ones …

Reasons He Doesn’t Want You:

1. He doesn’t want anyone.

He might just not be in a place where he can give anything to anyone. This is common with the “damage cases.” Sometimes people just have too much going on in their lives and this puts them in a very self-absorbed state of mind, rendering them incapable of giving anything to anyone else.

It’s not your job to be his therapist and solve his problems for him. This is a mistake I’ve made many times over. You think if only you love him enough, if only you show him the right amount of appreciation, then he’ll break through his walls and be the man you need him to be. It doesn’t work like that. You want a partner, not a project.

MORE: Signs He’s Losing Interest in You

2. You just aren’t a match.

I know it feels personal, I know it feels like there must be something wrong with you, but there isn’t. Sometimes it just isn’t a match. There will be times when you’ll have the clarity, and you’ll break some poor guy’s heart. And other times, the guy will have the clarity and you’ll be the one who just doesn’t get it because doesn’t he see how perfect you are together??

If it’s not a match, it’s not a match. You can’t force him to be with you or change his mind. All you can control is yourself. So just take it for what it is and don’t beat yourself up over it because what good will that do?

Life is an evolution, and it can take a lifetime to become our best selves. You may not be there, some are farther away than others.

Maybe you are terribly insecure, maybe you’re a highly anxious person, maybe you’re negative and complain a lot. Or maybe you just have a strong, outgoing personality and he likes girls on the more soft-spoken side. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means you don’t fit what it is he wants or needs and that’s fine!

All you can do is work on yourself and try to be your best self. If you do that, then you know that you did all you can and anything beyond that is outside of your control.

4. Different goals/values

Things that may not be a big deal to you might be a very big deal to him. We all have what’s important to us, and these things carry different levels of importance.

Men tend to take a more practical approach to relationships than most women. Women see the potential of what could be and hold on tight to that ideal. Guys see what is. If something important isn’t there, then he won’t treat the relationship like a fixer-up project, he will cut his losses.

5. The timing isn’t right.

As they say … timing is everything. My husband and I weaved in and out of each other’s lives for 11 years before finally realizing we should date again (we dated in high-school), and from there it took about two dates for us to realize we were perfect for each other. I’mt not saying you should wait around for a guy to change his mind, that is the worst thing you can do.

Move on, live life, date other guys, work on yourself, do all the good things. And then just see what happens. You are not the author of your life, you can’t write your perfect ending or steer the story in a certain direction. You just don’t know what’s going to happen next.

MORE: What to Do When He Says He Doesn’t Want to be in a Relationship

Above all else, when a man tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, believe him. This is where a lot of women go wrong. They continue to act like his girlfriend even though he made it clear that’s not what he wants, and then she gets upset when he doesn’t act like a boyfriend. You hold him up to some standard that isn’t fair because he never wanted to be cast in the role.

You are 100% single until he clearly and explicitly locks it down. That means you can “do you” and he can do him. If he sees that you aren’t committing yourself to him and he might lose you to some other guy while he’s sitting on the fence, and if he really likes you, then he’ll step up and will commit. If he continues to be indifferent, then he just doesn’t like you enough and at least now you know so you don’t waste any more time.

The biggest factor in your relationship success is who you pick and how you pick them. It comes down to the following: • Great relationships don’t happen because you turn a “no” into a “yes.” • Great relationships happen because you said “no” to the men who didn’t want you to make room for the one who does.

• Don’t say “yes” to the man you should be saying “no” to.

That’s really all you need to know!

MORE: 5 Signs Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Love You

I hope this article helped you gain clarity on why the guy you want doesn’t want you back. Now there is more you need to know. At some point, a man will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
The next issue a lot of women will face is when he seems to be losing interest, withdrawing, or going cold. Do you know what to do? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

These Are the Most Likely Reasons He Doesn’t Want You:

• He doesn’t want anyone.
• You aren’t a match.
• There are certain things he doesn’t like about you.
• Different goals/values.
• The timing isn’t right.