Why don t guys talk to me

Recently, at a wedding, I witnessed a dance floor with a friend who is an ecologist. In the middle of this dance floor, a girl approached a guy, legs slightly spread, while slapping her thighs with the back of her hands while looking him in the eye (opens in new tab).

My ecologist friend, in his "Darwinian" mindset, jokingly exclaimed: "Oh wow, she's presenting!" (opens in new tab)

You don't have to emulate an Animal Planet mating documentary to get a guy to approach you when you're out, but body language is important. You have to give a guy an opening, and make yourself available (opens in new tab).

I want my approach to appear to be well-timed (opens in new tab), and I don't like it when I feel like I'm interrupting. Sometimes the situation lends itself to an approach: there's something extraordinary to talk about, or we just bump into each other (opens in new tab). Pay attention to your actions when you're out. If you want guys to approach you, are you making it easy on them — are you "available"?

Some girls might want the guy to "work" as part of the approach, but for every one of you who makes it tough for a guy to approach, there are women who make it easier to approach that a guy might go for instead.

Here are a few things women do that prevent guys from approaching them:

INTIMIDATION

Lots of Friends

When girls are in a group, I know that I'm going to be "evaluated" as soon as I walk away (opens in new tab). It's tough enough to walk up to one girl, let alone a group.

Too Hot

If she's super-hot (opens in new tab), sometimes I assume I have no chance or I'm just plain intimidated. Most guys will give it the old college try though. This, by the way, is the best reason for your ego why guys aren't approaching: "I'm just so hot I'm intimidating." (opens in new tab)

UNATTRACTIVE APPEARANCE

Dancing on Tables (aka Super-Drunk Girl)

One night, we were out and a girl intermittently stood up on the seat of her booth and did stripper-type dances. The guys in the bar looked, but never approached. It's tough to approach a whirling dervish and no one could take her seriously (opens in new tab). And sometimes the "too drunk" girl gets approached by guys who are interested in one thing only.

Looking Sloppy

I don't usually approach girls who don't look stylish and put together (opens in new tab). Now, if you want to keep guys away from you, doing the "celeb in public homeless look" (opens in new tab) might be a good strategy.

Looking Angry/Snobby

Smiling and eye contact is inviting, while anger, and looking like you're too good for everyone, drives people away. Try to give off positive vibes, and more people will approach.

TAKEN

With a Guy in Any Capacity

You appear to be taken if you arrive with guys, or meet guys while you're out. Guys have no way of knowing if you're "with" a guy (opens in new tab). Some guys might ask, but some might just move on to someone who looks more available.

Ring

Now I'll admit that I'm clueless, even for a guy. I'm not sure about the wedding ring/engagement rules (opens in new tab): which hand/finger gets the ring? I know one has a big diamond, and one looks like a simple ring. But unmarried women wear all sorts of rings. Your ring that looks like a wedding ring might be keeping guys away (opens in new tab) (or maybe stupid guys like me, which is probably a good thing).

DO NOT DISTURB

Busy

It's easier to approach a girl who looks bored, like she wants someone to talk to. In a café, if she's reading a book, or has her face in her laptop, I assume she's busy and doesn't want to deal with my stupid pick-up attempt (opens in new tab). In a bar, if she seems content doing whatever she's doing, I won't want to interrupt.

Tough to Catch

I've devised strategic plans to make a move, waiting for a girl to go to the bar, or bathroom. But when she finally gets up she walks too fast, or takes "bodyguards" (tons of friends) with her (opens in new tab). Bottom line, some women just don't give that opening physically for the approach. Remember, your migratory patterns might be exactly what that guy is waiting for, so be on the lookout when you're on the move.

Room Positioning

If you're in the corner all night, or buried behind chairs and tables, you not only cut yourself off from the rest of the world, but some guys don't want to slalom obstacles to get to you (opens in new tab). If you want guys to approach you, you might want to move or try out some other spots.

Do you agree with my list above? What actions do you think deter guys from approaching you? What actions make a guy tough to approach?

Follow me on Twitter:twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)

Okay, so I'm a 19 year old female, a medical student, know for being a nice person to everyone (I hate hurting people's feelings and I'm always here for people if they ever need to talk etc - people know this about me and know im not a typical *****y sort of girl) and I'd say im attractive-ish. I'm not someone who's hugely confident in themselves (if anything I don't like attention being drawn to me as I don't think im anything special) but all my friends, and occasionally guys have said I am pretty, or 'Peng' - but I have never even kissed a guy let alone been out with one! Don't get me wrong im not saying that being in a relationship is any way of measuring my worth/success/life, but it is a bit peak haha. I have been in a girl's school so. now I'm in uni, im surrounded by guys for the first time, soit is a bit weird for me and I'm not really sure when a guy's trying to flirt or not, but by my limited knowledge of the male behaviour, I don't seem to be getting anywhere haha. my mum was genuinely worried that I'd be messed over by guys at uni because she knows I'm a caring and soft person but little does she know none of them are even interested.... Tbh I am quite close with 1/2 guys on my course and a few things they've said have made me think they like me (but as aforementioned, I was in a girls school thus have no clue what counts as flirting from boys) - I bumped into one of the guys on my back from Tesco and he was like 'oh wow you walked that long way by yourself! next time tell me and I'll come with you' - I can't tell if that's flirting or just him being nice?? also he came to my flat to say bye to me in person before I left for the xmas hols....but he did say to me that he felt bad for bailing on a motive with me and few people cause im 'such a good friend' , so I am assuming friend zone from that lmao... Idek.

there are other stories too which I could tell if anyone wants, but I just don't know why I have had such bad luck when other girls who are less conventionally attractive and have horrid personalities to accompany (not my own words of description btw, this is what my friends have said!!) have been out with multiple guys from my course or elsewhere...

'nice girl'

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Where are you based?

(Original post by mrnace)
Where are you based?

Last edited by sportyegg; 3 years ago

I’m sure its because they may be shy?

Last edited by sportyegg; 3 years ago

? What does that mean haha

(Original post by mrnace)
Where are you based?

(Original post by mrnace)
Where are you based?

talk to them more often

(Original post by Anonymous) Okay, so I'm a 19 year old female, a medical student, know for being a nice person to everyone (I hate hurting people's feelings and I'm always here for people if they ever need to talk etc - people know this about me and know im not a typical *****y sort of girl) and I'd say im attractive-ish. I'm not someone who's hugely confident in themselves (if anything I don't like attention being drawn to me as I don't think im anything special) but all my friends, and occasionally guys have said I am pretty, or 'Peng' - but I have never even kissed a guy let alone been out with one! Don't get me wrong im not saying that being in a relationship is any way of measuring my worth/success/life, but it is a bit peak haha. I have been in a girl's school so. now I'm in uni, im surrounded by guys for the first time, soit is a bit weird for me and I'm not really sure when a guy's trying to flirt or not, but by my limited knowledge of the male behaviour, I don't seem to be getting anywhere haha. my mum was genuinely worried that I'd be messed over by guys at uni because she knows I'm a caring and soft person but little does she know none of them are even interested.... Tbh I am quite close with 1/2 guys on my course and a few things they've said have made me think they like me (but as aforementioned, I was in a girls school thus have no clue what counts as flirting from boys) - I bumped into one of the guys on my back from Tesco and he was like 'oh wow you walked that long way by yourself! next time tell me and I'll come with you' - I can't tell if that's flirting or just him being nice?? also he came to my flat to say bye to me in person before I left for the xmas hols....but he did say to me that he felt bad for bailing on a motive with me and few people cause im 'such a good friend' , so I am assuming friend zone from that lmao... Idek.

there are other stories too which I could tell if anyone wants, but I just don't know why I have had such bad luck when other girls who are less conventionally attractive and have horrid personalities to accompany (not my own words of description btw, this is what my friends have said!!) have been out with multiple guys from my course or elsewhere...

Ah, Central London. If only we lived closer. I'm in Cardiff. lol

Your a older version of me like we are the same person more or like apart from the name and the age I'm sure all the guys you are think that your a pretty guy I'm sure you will be fine

Talk to more guys and put yourself out there if you really want to meet someone. I guess I was somewhat similar to you but I wasn’t particularly bothered about being single, I found someone unexpectedly. That only started because he started a conversation and things just progressed from there. Socialise more, just meet more men in general and you’ll be more likely to meet someone good for you. I’m clueless when it comes to flirting and stuff too but I’d advise you to not overthink things, just try to communicate openly.

(Original post by Anonymous) I got bored reading after 2 lines, but the most probable reason you don't get guys is because of a potentially dead personality? If you're attractive, you don't have to try as hard, but you still have to have something to work with. That and you might be a bit up your own a rse. These are all assumptions, and probably not true, to be honest. Just don't listen to people on here, we have no idea what we're talking about half the time. The most likely thing for a female aged 19, is that you are insecure about the way you look, and that's okay. You can work on that in the future, and get a guy with a snap of your fingers.

Hope I don't sound too much of an aggressive internet user.

I just think I’m at a loss lol

(Original post by ecolier) It's because you're not at Oxbridge, or your UKCATs not high enough, or you didn't have enough A*s Just joking, be yourself and something will come! Don't be desperate.

Plus, you're a girl - boys will come to you, especially if you are pretty / not ugly. Don't worry!

Try asking one of the guys you like out on a date. Maybe they are the same and not sure of themselves as well. It'll be super hard but it'll help.

(Original post by jvstred)
Well honestly, to answer your question on why no guys are choosing you it could be for a number of reasons. It may not even be any fault of your own that no guys are interested, it's most likely them. Some guys prefer alpha-female type girl, some like a girl because of her physical features and not necessarily her personality (which may leave many wondering, why did he choose to date her? - he's! using/taking advantage of her body) and some guys will be drawn to people like you who are kind and cute in their own way. It just depends on the guy. Now, you may be unlucky and have a group of guys around you that aren't interested in the qualities you possess and that's perfectly alright. What you need to do is to keep on smiling, being cute and bubbly and it may seem like nothing's happening but someone will be attracted to that and then it'll be up to you both to progress with that. Now if you're confused on whether a guy is flirting or not - it doesn't matter! If he truly likes you he'll make things more obvious if he figures you aren't taking the hint so just go with it and see what happens!

I think it will be fine. You have to be a model I feel for people to actively persue you. Everyone else, which is most of us, have to work for it. Just keep being yourself and flirting at every appropriate opportunity. The mate on your course sounds like he could be on the cards - I don't think the 'good friend' quip is quite so damming coming from a male. Go and sink some beers with him and see what happens. Dating success is about self belief, tenacity and patience.

(Original post by Anonymous) I see your point but the thing is, I’m not “up my own a—-“ - in fact I’m far from that haha. Im just saying that even though I am a bit insecure i am still able to realise that I am not “ugly”. As for the personality - tbh I thought this was my strong point haha - I get on very well with people and am always having “banter” with them - I’m quite an outgoing person and enjoy being in other’s company

I just think I’m at a loss lol

Find out where the Mechanical or Production Engineering students have their lectures. Or even better where their CAD facilities are that they do their projects on. Wherever they hang out, go up to a group of them and say "Hi I'm studying Medicine. The people on my course are really nice, but they're also reeeeally booooriiiing. Do you know anyone that'd be up for a drink and a chat at the Union or local Wetherspoons? I've heard that Engineers are up for anything."

Or some variation on this. Introduce yourself to students on other courses and see if they'll take you under their wing and include you in their social circle. Male dominated courses tend to be the ones most desperate for a bit of female company.

I live in Central London. you can pM me if u like

Hi is it ok if we can talk in PMs? Not someone looking for a girlfriend lol, just need some med advice (applied to 2 london unis and outter london)