What is an uninvolved parent?

Parents are often the first social contact a child makes. They not only influence the child but also have the maximum control over them. Parents may, for various reasons, tend to become so involved in their own lives that they tend to unknowingly ignore the needs of the child. This is termed as uninvolved or neglectful parenting style.

Parenting styles

Parenting and the styles of parenting have been a long-researched topic. Diana Baumrind, a well known developmental psychologist, through a series of research in 1960’s described three styles of parenting: authoritative, authoritarian and permissive/indulgent. The fourth type, the uninvolved parenting was added to the list more recently by other researchers.

The characteristics of uninvolved parenting style are as follows:

• Parents are emotionally detached and unresponsive to the child. The emotional needs of the child. For example, need for appreciation, security, love, nurturing are overlooked.

• Children are often left unsupervised

• Children are not shown affection, care and warmth

• There are hardly any expectations from the child in terms of academics or behavior

How can uninvolved parenting affect the child?

This approach to parenting can have several negative consequences on the child. For example, a young toddler is playing with his friends at home and suddenly snatches a toy from another child. The parent sees this and does not interfere. As a young child, he is not able to understand the difference between good and bad behavior but this is when he needs to be taught what is acceptable and how his behavior might hurt others around him. Some of the consequences of neglectful parenting could be:

• Feeling unloved: As the children might feel unimportant and unattended to during their childhood, they may not understand the importance of the same in other relationships. They may feel unloved and this can have a huge impact on their self-worth and in future relationships.

• Fear of dependence: As the children learn very early in life that they must provide for themselves, there might develop a fear of becoming dependent on someone for their needs. This can be a huge challenge for their relationships at a later stage.

• Social interaction: Children learn everything about social behavior from the environment they are in at an early age. If they are always neglected at home, ignoring others becomes a part of accepted social behavior for the child. Studies show that absence of proper social interaction could make them withdraw socially, they may have antisocial behavior, and they may even become socially anxious.

• Bullying:  Parents have a huge role to play in preventing bullying among children by guiding them and telling them when they are being violated and bullied. Researchers have found that uninvolved parenting could make children the victims of bullying by peers or older siblings as the parents are unable to guide the children and involve themselves in their lives.

• Chances of substance abuse: Support from family especially parents, is one of the major factors that can affect a child’s adjustment. Research indicates that neglectful parenting can make a child vulnerable to using substances and even abusing them later. It can also cause conduct problems.

• Academic performance: Since there are no expectations from the child at home, they  may show little or no interest in academics and have low achievement motivation. Studies have pointed out that children with uninvolved parents are the least adjusted and achieve lowest in exams.

Why do some parents choose this approach?

Parents hardly ever neglect their children by choice. The situations at home and the circumstances that one is in which could include financial hardships, interpersonal relationship between spouses, loss of a spouse, or other crises can cause a parent to neglect the child. However, it can have gravely negative consequences on the child.

How do I know if I am an uninvolved parent?

If you recognize some of these signs in yourself or a friend with children, there might be chances that the child is getting neglected.

• Being unaware of what is going on in the child’s life - both personal and academics.

• Not being able to provide a safe space for the child at home where they can express and share their feelings and get feedback in return.

• Not spending time with the child, leaving them at home alone for long periods of time.

• Not being aware of the child's friends, teachers, and people they spend most of their time with.

• Making excuses with relatives and school administration about not being there for the child.

If you find that your child is feeling neglected, is often ill-dressed, misses school, seeks attention from others, is withdrawn and isolated, getting more involved with them would help. One way to do would be to start spending more time with the child and focusing on their life and academics. Taking interest in what the child likes and dislikes and how they are performing at school could be a start.

Parents who are in this situation need intervention to come out of the problem and get back on the right track of healthy parenting. The child involved also needs professional intervention. Acceptance of the current situation is the first step forward. If one of the partners finds that the other is neglecting the child, it is important for them to confront the partner and talk to them. After the parents have come to terms with the fact that the child is getting neglected, the next step is to approach a professional - a family doctor, therapist or a counselor. By doing so, the parents can seek help for their own personal issues which might be interfering in their relationship with the child as well as other issues that could lead this to happen.

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Uninvolved parenting is a style of parenting that does not require parents to hand-hold their children and guide them with every step of life.

There can be varying levels of non-involvement depending on the parents. For example, some parents might choose to look after their children’s basic needs and amenities, such as food, shelter, clothes, and education. In contrast, others ignore these and let their children learn everything independently. But how does this style of parenting help the children?

Read on to learn about the various aspects of uninvolved parenting and its effect on their children and overall development.

What Is A Neglectful Or Uninvolved Parenting Style?

This is a parenting style where the child does not receive an adequate amount of emotional support, physical time with the parent, or does not have basic needs such as food, shelter, health care, childhood play, and academic support.

• According to psychologist Diana Baumrind, a neglectful or uninvolved parenting style involves a minimal amount of involvement or response towards the needs of the children.

• This means that children are only provided with the most basic of facilities, with no opportunity for recreational or developmental activities.

• It is also marked by emotional detachment as well as a lack of healthy discipline, Uninvolved or neglectful parent may be extremely dismissive, indifferent or even oblivious to their child’s needs.

The Characteristics Of Neglectful Or Uninvolved Parenting:

Having some or more of the following characteristics does not necessarily mean that you are an uninvolved or neglectful parent. However, this may suggest that you would benefit from some introspection and examination of your parenting style.

1. Emotional Detachment

Such parents think that their duty is limited to providing food and shelter, and not other needs such as connecting with their children emotionally. They do not feel the need to ask their kids about their daily activities, or even take care of them when the children feel emotionally down. They avoid any confrontations.

2. Too Occupied With Their Problems:

Uninvolved parents feel the pressure of the world and are generally busy with their own issues. They are either caught up in work or occupied with self-grooming. Parents could be facing financial, emotional, or social problems, and may end up spending time in taking care of the crises. This leaves them with little or no time for their kids.

3. Influence Of Drugs Or Abusive Substances:

If parents are addicted to alcohol, drugs or other abusive substances then they fail in their responsibilities. They could even resort to violence. Parents with substance abuse affect a child’s growth as they do not involve themselves with their children. In some cases, if parents lose their jobs, and come under financial constraints, then kids may have to drop out of school, or lack nutrition, among other things. (1)

4. Lack Of Supervision:

Neglectful parents are broadly of two types when it comes to supervision. They either do not supervise their kids at all or keep them grounded constantly. The first kinds are not inclined to supervise their kids. They do not bother about what the kids do, when they come home and go. They are barely aware of their kids’ schedules and activities. They do not like to inculcate discipline, and a lack of it also does not affect them.

The second kind keep their kids grounded, under supervision, or at home, all the time. While they do not ask their kids about their daily activities, they will want to have them around. Such parents prevent any development that the kids may have outside of home.

5. Do Not Express Love:

These parents do not express their love towards their children. They often ignore them and there is no hugging, kissing or any other signs of love in the family. They show no warmth, which could leave the kids feeling bitter.

6. Lack Of Expectations:

These parents have absolutely no expectations with their kids. They are not bothered about the milestones or goals reached by their children. They do not help or motivate them in achieving their goals.

Effects Of Uninvolved Parenting On Children

As most fathers are generally earning for the family, they lose out on some very important time with their children. There could be other reasons for the lack of involvement besides work.

• In the absence of a father, men don’t learn how to be strong and deal with situations tactfully. They are constantly looking for approval from people and cannot decide for things by themselves. They end up being unable to take decisions for themselves, and grow up to be weaker dads.

• Girls become emotionally weak as they never had a strong support from anyone and fail in relationships in future. They yearn for constant love.

• The unavailability of a mother hampers children’s growth in terms of identity.

• Mothers help their children build an identity. They let kids know how strong they can be and teach them the difference between right and wrong. As mothers are vastly involved in teaching kids life skills, their absence leaves children directionless.

Examples Of Uninvolved Or Neglectful Parenting Style:

Here are a few examples of how an uninvolved parent would react under certain scenarios.

Scenario 1:

• You have taken your three-year-old to a park, or your toddler is busy in a play-date at home with other kids. Suddenly, he grabs the toy of another child and snatches it away from her.

• You see but do not interfere. Your toddler may be too young to understand the difference between good and bad behavior, and this may be the age around which you need to start teaching him that.

Scenario 2:

• Your young child comes home from school, and you know that it has been a long time since he had eaten something.

• You will not offer him any healthy meal but expect him to reheat some stale food and eat.

• In extreme cases, you may not even acknowledge the fact that your child is hungry or simply ignore his requests for some food.

Scenario 3:

• Your child has a lot of homework and school projects that are too difficult and vast for your child to do all by himself.

• You will not offer any assistance or guidance to your child, even if he seeks help from you.

• Your child may start scoring poorly at school, and it may negatively affect their overall studies, but you are not concerned about his performance.

Scenario 4:

• Your needs and activities take up most of your time.

• You spend the entire day working and do not get any time for yourself or to indulge in your recreational activities.

• The only time that you get to relax is when your child too has a lot of free time at hand. So, you let him loose, without worrying about what he does in his free time.

Scenario 5:

• Your child is back home after having spent a long time at a friend’s place.

• You do not ask him where he has been or how long he was gone for.

• You do explain the importance of time and maintenance of a schedule.

Scenario 6:

• Your child has been looking very dull and upset for a week now. You take notice but do not try to find out the reason.

• You may have no idea what is going wrong with your child and would not even recognize the need for some urgent medical attention.

Why Neglectful Parenting Is Bad

Children in an uninvolved parenting set-up cannot compete with their classmates and friends, feel abandoned and depressed. They lose their ability to make the right choices.

The constant feeling of being ignored or unwanted can leave the child with a confused feeling about self-worth. They get easily troubled or frustrated and are not very good at sticking to relationships.

Here are the consequences of neglectful or uninvolved parenting (2):

1. Feeling Unloved:

Uninvolved parenting leaves a child feeling unloved. This could have a huge impact on the child’s overall psychological development. As they grow up, they may go looking for the love they never had in all the wrong places.

2. Child Becomes Directionless:

As parents pay no attention, children cannot choose a right path for themselves. The child ends up being disillusioned and sometimes seeks others’ advice for making decisions. A lack of understanding of the boundaries could make him anti-social.

3. Cannot Follow Rules or Instructions:

Children are not taught to follow rules, as there are none at home. This could wreak havoc in his life because he cannot stick to the guidelines at school while growing up and at work or in society as an adult.

4. Cannot Understand Other Parenting Styles:

Children who grow up in this parenting atmosphere may find other parenting styles weird, and could end up being uninvolved parents to their children. They may find it difficult to accept love and care from other adults in the family.

5. Substance Abuse:

Uninvolved parenting children are at a high risk of falling prey to substance abuse. In case the parents are themselves addicted to drugs, the chances of children becoming so are higher.

6. They Have To Take Care Of Themselves:

Such children are left to fend for themselves, which robs them of the essence of childhood. They grow up too quickly and older siblings end up taking care of the younger ones. They become socially aloof, and find it difficult to respond and react to others and may turn to be extreme introverts.

7. Heightened Emotions:

Children find it difficult to control their emotions. They have a heightened sense of fear, anxiety and stress as they never get the emotional support of their parents to tide over such feelings.

8. Brain Functioning Is Hampered:

Neglect can severely alter the way a child’s brain works. It leads to depression and an increased risk of memory impairment. It could also lead to dissociative disorders. Some researchers say that neglect is linked to panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) (3).

9. Lack Of Personality Development:

As there is no direction or adult supervision, children cannot develop their personality like those in other forms of parenting do. They simply flow with the tide.

Why Do Parents Adopt Neglectful Or Uninvolved Style Of Parenting?

Researchers attribute uninvolved parenting to several reasons such as financial status, educational background, cultural aspects, and traditional practices. Here are a few other important reasons for parents to adopt this style:

1. They Suffered The Same:

Parents could be carrying forward the parenting style of their parents. As they have faced a similar scenario in their childhood, they do not feel the need to connect to their children. It becomes cyclic.

This turns into a vicious circle and can become extremely difficult to come out unless some conscious effort is made by them.

2. Lifestyle:

Some parents may have a lifestyle that keeps them totally occupied and gives them no time for anyone in the family, including their spouses. Such parents do not intentionally avoid their kids, but are forced to.

3. Personality Issues:

Some individuals have the urge to stand out in the crowd. This individuality forces them to turn towards themselves and not care for anyone else. These kinds of people often take care of themselves and neglect everything else.

4. Good Intentions:

Some parents adopt this kind of parenting style so that their children can toughen up and learn to be dependent on none. They think they are strengthening them and doing them a favor. What they do not realize is that they are pushing their children to an extreme.

4. Lack Of Understanding:

A lack of understanding of responsibilities can also trigger this kind of parenting. When parents are unable to communicate with their children well or are unable to understand their needs, they become neglectful.

Tips To Come Out Of Neglectful Parenting:

Though it could be difficult for parents to adapt to another parenting style, they must understand that they have to take charge. Here are some ways in which you can make changes in your parenting style.

1. Develop communication with your kids. Even if you do not want to involve yourself completely, take some time out and start slow.

1. See if they are keeping in their best health. Attend to them if you feel that they are very quiet or not as active as usual.

1. Help them take decisions even if you do not wish to suggest anything. Just listen to them. You don’t always have to give a solution.

1. If you are very busy with something, let them know when you can attend to them.

1. Do seek medical help if you think you might need it.

Toxic Parenting:

• Toxic parenting is a higher or worse form of neglectful parenting. Toxic parents are known to treat their kids as nothing but objects. They damage a child’s cognitive, growth, and overall development. They are overtly abusive and manipulative.

• Toxic parenting is extreme and sees no bond between parents and children.

1. What is the difference between free-range and uninvolved parents?

Free-range parenting is where children are allowed autonomy so that they may experience their natural limits. They are not kept overprotected (4). However, this does not mean they are being neglected, as with uninvolved parenting (5).

2. What is the difference between uninvolved parenting and busy parenting?

Uninvolved parenting is when parents usually are not acquainted with where their children are or how they have been. Since it involves child neglect, it is also referred to as neglectful parenting. Busy parents are the ones who work or have other commitments to meet. In busy parenting, the parents can still meet the child’s needs through adequate planning (6).

Uninvolved parenting is not similar to the conventional style of parenting. This parenting style does not involve a lot of physical or emotional support from parents. Some children may not even have the basic needs. This parenting style can have a detrimental effect on the child’s growth and development. Children may face anxiety or depression or other problems, such as self-esteem and trust issues. If you are into a similar parenting style and are already facing the repercussions, try to come out of it to give your child the best atmosphere.

References:

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Dr. Holly Schiff did her Doctorate of Psychology in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University and graduated from Fordham University. She also holds a Master of Arts in Psychology in Education degree from Columbia University, a Master of Science in School-Community Psychology, and an Advanced Certificate in School-Community Psychology from Hofstra University. Dr. Schiff was accepted as a member... more