How to stop worrying about work mistakes

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The Covid-19 crisis and its fallout — including recession, layoffs, and uneven economic pain — as well as recent protests over police brutality and demands for racial justice have presented many of us with challenges that we’ve not encountered before. The high-stakes and unfamiliar nature of these situations have left many people feeling fearful of missteps. No one can reduce mistakes to zero, but you can learn to harness your drive to prevent them and channel it into better decision making. Use these tips to become a more effective worrier.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed of your fear. 

Our culture glorifies fearlessness. The traditional image of a leader is one who is smart, tough, and unafraid. But fear, like any emotion, has an evolutionary purpose and upside. Your concern about making mistakes is there to remind you that we’re in a challenging situation. A cautious leader has value. This is especially true in times like these. So don’t get caught up in ruminating: “I shouldn’t be so fearful.”

Don’t be ashamed or afraid of your fear of making mistakes and don’t interpret it as evidence that you’re an indecisive leader, or not bold, not visionary. If you have a natural tendency to be prevention-focused, channel it to be bold and visionary! (If you struggle to believe this, identify leaders who have done just that by figuring out how to prevent disasters.)

Use emotional agility skills. 

Fear of mistakes can paralyze people. Emotional agility skills are an antidote to this paralysis. This process starts with labeling your thoughts and feelings, such as “I feel anxious I’m not going to be able to control my customers enough to keep my staff safe.” Stating your fears out loud helps diffuse them. It’s like turning the light on in a dark room. Next comes accepting reality. For example, “I understand that people will not always behave in ideal ways.” List off every truth you need to accept. Then comes acting your values. Let’s say one of your highest values is conscientiousness. How might that value apply in this situation? For example, it might involve making sure your employees all have masks that fit them well or feel comfortable airing any grievances they have. Identify your five most important values related to decision-making in a crisis. Then ask yourself how each of those is relevant to the important choices you face.

Repeat this process for each of your fears. It will help you tolerate the fact that we sometimes need to act when the best course of action isn’t clear and avoid the common anxiety trap whereby people try to reduce uncertainty to zero.

Focus on your processes. 

Worrying can help you make better decisions if you do it effectively. Most people don’t. When you worry, it should be solutions-focused, not just perseverating on the presence of a threat. Direct your worry towards behaviors that will realistically reduce the chances of failure.

We can control systems, not outcomes. What are your systems and processes for avoiding making mistakes? Direct your worries into answering questions like these: Is the data you’re relying on reliable? What are the limitations of it? How do your systems help prevent groupthink? What procedures do you have in place to help you see your blind spots? How do you ensure that you hear valuable perspectives from underrepresented stakeholders? What are your processes for being alerted to a problem quickly and rectifying it if a decision has unexpected consequences?

Broaden your thinking. 

When we’re scared of making a mistake, our thinking can narrow around that particular scenario. Imagine you’re out walking at night. You’re worried about tripping, so you keep looking down at your feet. Next thing you know you’ve walked into a lamp post. Or, imagine the person who is scared of flying. They drive everywhere, even though driving is objectively more dangerous. When you open the aperture, it can help you see your greatest fears in the broader context of all the other threats out there. This can help you get a better perspective on what you fear the most.

It might seem illogical that you could reduce your fear of making a mistake by thinking about other negative outcomes. But this strategy can help kick you into problem-solving mode and lessen the mental grip a particular fear has on you. A leader might be so highly focused on minimizing or optimizing for one particular thing, they don’t realize that other people care most about something else. Find out what other people’s priorities are.

Recognize the value of leisure.

Fear grabs us. It makes it difficult to direct our attention away. This is how it is designed to work, so that we don’t ignore threats. Some people react to fear with extreme hypervigilance. They want to be on guard, at their command post, at all times. This might manifest as behavior like staying up all night to work.

That type of adrenalin-fueled behavior can have short-term value, but it can also be myopic. A different approach can be more useful for bigger picture thinking. We need leisure (and sleep!) to step back, integrate the threads of our thinking, see blindspots, and think creatively. Get some silent time. Although much maligned, a game of golf might be exactly what you need to think about tough problems holistically.

Detach from judgment-clouding noise. 

As mentioned, when people are fearful they can go into always-on monitoring mode. You may have the urge to constantly look at what everyone else is doing, to always be on social media, or check data too frequently. This can result in information overload. Your mind can become so overwhelmed that you start to feel cloudy or shut down. Recognize if you’re doing this and limit over-monitoring or overchecking. Avoid panicked, frenzied behavior.

On its own, being afraid of making mistakes doesn’t make you more or less likely to make good decisions. If you worry excessively in a way that focuses only on how bad the experience of stress and uncertainty feels, you might make do or say the wrong things. However, if you understand how anxiety works at a cognitive level, you can use it to motivate careful but bold and well-reasoned choices.

Everyone makes mistakes, but when someone makes a mistake at work, it’s often tempting to try to keep it quiet. Many might feel embarrassment or a fear of punishment or damage to their professional reputation. Still, it’s best to quickly and honestly acknowledge a mistake, because they’re usually manageable and often minimal if promptly addressed and corrected.

So, how can someone who has made a mistake at work best discuss the situation with their boss to calm anxieties and minimize damage? To help, 10 members of Forbes Coaches Council weigh in on how to own up to mistakes at work and team up to find a solution.

Members of Forbes Coaches Council weigh in on how best to own up to mistakes at work.

1. Admit The Mistake And Identify Solutions

When quickly admitting a mistake, also share your honest assessment of the impact of what happened and several options for resolving or lessening that impact. As a professional, it is key to not only immediately admit mistakes, but also quickly refocus your leader’s attention away from what “could” happen next and toward solutions. This approach shows your character and positions you as a problem solver. - TC Cooper, UpwardAction® LLC

2. Protect The Business, Not Your Ego

Keep your explanation of what happened short and to the point. Clearly outline what (if any) impacts the mistake created in the business. Offer up what you've done to course correct. If you need help from your boss, say so clearly. Likewise, if you don’t need their help, be clear that you’re just keeping them informed. Give them an opportunity to ask questions and offer up advice if they are so inclined. - Tegan Trovato, Bright Arrow Coaching

3. Focus On The ‘Next Shot’

Great athletes often make mistakes during critical moments; golfers hit a bad shot and end up in “trouble.” When you end up in trouble, don’t focus on the bad place you’re in; focus on the next shot. If you do what great athletes do and make the next shot great, then people will talk not about your misstep, but about the great shot you just made. This shows that you can quickly recover, learn and improve. - Jim Vaselopulos, Rafti Advisors, LLC

4. Demonstrate You’ve Learned From The Mistake

Admitting a mistake can be a temporary assault to one’s reputation and self-esteem. However, focusing on the corrective action can produce a recovery of both. Analyze what went wrong, make the correction and put a measure in place to prevent a repeat. Then, speak to those actions with your leader. Total avoidance of mistakes is not a reasonable expectation, but lessons learned can be. - Deborah Hightower, Deborah Hightower, Inc.

5. Focus On The Opportunity To Improve

When discussing your mistake with your boss, it’s important to apologize and take responsibility, but don’t overdo the “mea culpa.” Rather, it is better to discuss your understanding of what happened and how you made the mistake, what you learned from your error, what you will do to correct the situation (when possible), and what you will do differently next time. Focus on your opportunity to improve! - Christine Allen, Ph.D., Insight Business Works

6. Start With ‘I’m Sorry’

Outdated leadership teachings tell us not to say “I’m sorry,” since it may make us look weak or vulnerable. But the truth is that “I’m sorry” is powerful. It communicates that you recognize your error and any unintended outcomes. You don’t have to be sorry for the action—it may have been the right thing to do—but being sorry for how it made someone feel is honest and human and it opens new doors. - Darcy Eikenberg, PCC, Red Cape Revolution

7. Think Like The Boss

Acknowledging you made a mistake is great, but it’s only a start. In order to ensure you say the right thing to calm anxieties, put yourself in the shoes of your boss. What would they expect you to do/say? Maybe they just want you to listen while they use it as a teaching moment. Maybe they will only be put at ease by your offering a solution—if that is the case, then do that. - Donald Hatter, Donald Hatter Inc.

8. Choose An Audience-Focused Approach

The admission of a mistake is difficult. Choosing an audience-focused approach—lessons learned, options for results going forward and/or efforts to prevent future errors—always lessens the sting, softening the blow. A tailored, audience-focused approach, along with timing the setting, is key to how the error is perceived. Start where your audience is grounded and move beyond the error. - Donna Poudrier, Hellmann Career Consulting

9. Use A ‘Reframing’ Technique To Help Everyone Calm Down

When hearing about a mistake, even a really calm boss can be anxious at first. Remind her of the worst scenario, in which mistakes are hidden, so she feels grateful for the honest conversation. You can say something along this line: “I am sincerely sorry that I’ve made a mistake, and I want to bring it to your attention instead of having it blow up.” Then share your concrete remedy and prevention plan. - Amy Nguyen, Happiness Infinity LLC

10. Preserve Your Integrity Over Your Image

Always preserve your integrity over your image. Own your mistake early and transparently and remind your boss of your deeper intentions. If you’ve erred by getting caught up in an ego-motivated move, call yourself out. Be serious about making it right and face the consequences. People will respect you much more for having the guts to own your faults and working diligently to grow. - Erin Rocchio, Erin Rocchio Consulting, Inc.