Girls playing together see video observation 11: girls playing together for an example of children socializing with each other and enjoying each others company as they move around through a play structure setup. note that the adult is not teaching

Play is central to your child’s learning and development. When your child plays, it gives them many different ways and times to learn.

Play also helps your child:

• build confidence
• feel loved, happy and safe
• understand more about how the world works
• develop social skills, language and communication
• learn about caring for others and the environment
• develop physical skills.

It’s important for children to have plenty of different types of play experiences. This includes unstructured and structured play, indoor and outdoor play, solo and group play, craft and creative play, and so on. When children get variety, it’s good for all aspects of their learning and development – physical, social, emotional and imaginative.

Different types of play: unstructured and structured

Unstructured, free play is unplanned play that just happens, depending on what takes your child’s interest at the time.

Unstructured, free play is particularly important for younger children because it lets them use their imagination and move at their own pace.

Examples of unstructured play might be:

• creative play alone or with others, including artistic or musical games
• imaginative games – for example, making cubbyhouses with boxes or blankets, dressing up or playing make-believe
• exploring new or favourite spaces like cupboards, backyards, parks, playgrounds and so on.

You can be part of your child’s unstructured play. But sometimes all you’ll need to do is point your child in the right direction – towards the jumble of dress-ups and toys on their floor, or to the table with crayons and paper. At other times, you might need to be a bit more active. For example, ‘How about we play dress-ups? What do you want to be today?’

Structured play is organised and happens at a fixed time or in a set space. It’s often led by a grown-up. Older children are more likely to enjoy and benefit from structured play.

Examples of structured play include:

• outdoor ball games like kicking a soccer ball
• water familiarisation classes for toddlers or swimming lessons for older children
• storytelling groups for toddlers and preschoolers at the local library
• dance, music or drama classes for children of all ages
• family board or card games
• modified sports for slightly older children, like Cricket Blast, Aussie Hoops basketball, NetSetGO netball, Come and Try Rugby and Auskick football.

Structured and unstructured play can happen indoors or outdoors. Outdoor play gives your child the chance to explore, be active, test physical limits – and get messy!

How play develops with children

As your child grows, their attention span and physical skills develop and the way they play will change. Your child will get more creative and experiment more with toys, games and ideas. This might mean they need more space and time to play.

Also, children move through different forms of play as they grow. This includes playing alone, playing alongside other children and playing interactively with other children.

Your child will love playing with you, but sometimes they might prefer to play alone. Your child might just want you to give them ideas and let them know how their play and games are going. And sometimes your child might want to play with other children – no grown-ups allowed!

Newborns and babies: play ideas to encourage development

Just looking at your face and hearing your voice is play for your baby, especially if you’re smiling.

You might like to try the following play ideas and activities with your little one:

• Music, songs or bells develop hearing and movement. You could try gentle tapping on your baby’s tummy while you sing.
• Peekaboo is great for your baby’s social and emotional development.
• Gentle tickles or objects with different textures develop the sense of touch. You and your baby could experiment with things like feathers, mud, metal or foam.
• Objects of different sizes, colours and shapes can encourage your child to reach and grasp.
• Sturdy furniture, balls, toys or boxes can get your child crawling, standing and walking.

Regular tummy time and floor play are very important for young babies. Tummy time encourages your baby to move and roll and helps them develop muscle strength and control. It also lets your baby see and experience the world from a different perspective. All you need is a playmat or blanket on the ground or floor.

Toddlers: play ideas to encourage development

Here are some ideas your toddler might enjoy:

• Large and light things like cardboard boxes, buckets or blow-up balls can encourage your child to run, build, push or drag.
• Chalk, rope, music or containers can encourage jumping, kicking, stomping, stepping and running.
• Hoops, boxes, large rocks or pillows are good for climbing on, balancing, twisting, swaying or rolling.
• Dress-up games with scarves, hats and so on are good for imagination and creativity.
• Hills, tunnels or nooks can encourage physical activities like crawling, climbing and exploring.

If you put on some favourite music while your toddler plays, they can also try out different sounds and rhythms. You might also like to sing, dance and clap along to music with your child.

Preschoolers: play ideas to encourage development

Here are some ideas to get your preschooler’s mind and body going:

• Old milk containers, wooden spoons, empty pot plant containers, sticks, scrunched-up paper, plastic buckets, saucepans and old clothes are great for imaginative, unstructured play.
• Simple jigsaw puzzles and matching games like animal dominoes can improve your child’s memory and concentration.
• Playdough and clay help your child develop fine motor skills.
• Favourite music or pots and pans are great for dancing or making music.
• Balls can encourage kicking, throwing or rolling.

When you’re encouraging your child to kick or throw, see whether you can get them to use one side of their body and then the other.

School-age children: play ideas to encourage development

Your school-age child can have fun with the following objects and activities:

• Furniture, linen, washing baskets, tents and boxes are great for building cubbyhouses.
• Home-made obstacle courses can get your child moving in different ways, directions and speeds.
• Games like ‘I spy’ are great for word play. They also develop literacy skills.
• Simple cooking and food preparation activities are great for developing science, numeracy, literacy and everyday skills.
• Your child’s own imagination can turn your child into a favourite superhero or story character.

If your child is interested, you could think about getting them into some sports or team activities for school-age children. Other possibilities include after-school or holiday art and craft activities.

Homemade toys and free activities can help children learn and develop. They’re often the most creative ways for you and your child to have fun together.

If your child doesn’t want to play

There might be times when your child doesn’t want to play. For example, they could be tired or bored by doing the same activity for too long. This is common and usually nothing to worry about.

But sometimes a lack of play – or a lack of interest in play – can be a sign of a developmental disorder.

Here’s when to consider speaking with a health professional or your child’s educator:

• Your baby doesn’t seem to get into interactive play like peekaboo.
• Your toddler has an extremely narrow interest in toys or doesn’t use toys in a functional way. For example, your child is interested only in spinning the wheels of a toy car instead of driving it around the room like other children the same age.
• Your preschooler isn’t interested in playing with other children or in playing pretend games.

Your child’s world gets bigger when she starts school. Relationships with other people – like the children in her class at school – become more important.

Friendships are good for your school-age child’s self-esteem. When your child has good friends, he feels like he belongs. His friends care about him, and this helps him feel good about himself.

Friendships help children develop important life skills like getting along with other people and sorting out conflicts and problems. Children with these skills are less likely to have social and emotional difficulties later in life.

Play is a big part of how children connect with others and make friends at school. Being involved in games can help your child get to know her schoolmates and settle into school more easily. She’ll learn about taking turns, sharing and cooperating.

School friends and parents: why your child needs both

Young children enjoy playing with their friends, but they still need their parents. In fact, during the early school years, family relationships are still the biggest influence on your child’s development. Good family relationships are what your child needs to learn and grow.

Family relationships give your child a stable, safe home base through the ups and downs of making and losing friends. In fact, the care and love you give your child at home helps your child manage other relationships.

If your child is upset at being left out, or has had a fight with a friend, he knows that you’re still there for him. And you can help him work it out by talking with him about what happened and how he felt. For example, ‘How did you feel when Ali wouldn’t let you play?’ This helps your child learn about his feelings and how to handle them. Sometimes just listening or giving your child a hug can be enough.

After school one day my son told me that his mates wouldn’t let him join in their game at lunch time. He felt sad and left out. We talked about what happened and things that could help. I encouraged him to take a ball to school the next day so that if it happened again, he could start his own game.
– Jacinta, mother of a six-year-old

Getting to know your child’s friends: why it’s good

Getting to know your child’s friends helps you find out about:

• some of the important people in your child’s life
• who your child is talking about and their personalities
• what kind of influence friends have on your child
• how your child gets along with her friends
• who to invite for playdates and birthday parties
• other families with children of a similar age.

If you’re not sure who your child’s friends are, just ask, or watch who he goes to in the playground at school. You could also talk with your child’s teacher. If you’re able to help at school sports, in the canteen or in the classroom, this can also give you a chance to see who your child gets along well with.

We share the driving with a couple of other families to and from after-school activities. When it’s my turn it gives me a chance to spend time with my kids and their friends.
– Carla, mother of a five-year-old and a seven-year-old

Supporting your child’s school-age friendships: tips

Playdates and sleepovers outside school can be a great way to foster new school friendships.

You can help your child arrange playdates and sleepovers by asking your child whether there’s anyone she’d like to invite to your home. You could encourage her to invite her friend, and you can talk to the friend’s parents.

Here are some tips to help playdates at your home go smoothly:

• Start with a snack or drink. This can help children feel comfortable with each other.
• Talk with the children about what areas of the house or garden they can use. This can help to prevent tension about what children are allowed to do in your home.
• Be available in case a child needs help, but give your child and his friend time and space to learn how to get along with each other.
• Plan some activities. It could be collage, cubbyhouses, ball games and so on. You might not need to use these activities, but it’s good to have them ready in case you sense children getting restless.
• If your child finds playdates tricky, try keeping them fairly short – for example, 1-2 hours.

When your child needs help to make friends

Most children will find it hard to make friends sometimes. If your child is finding it hard, there are a few things you can try.

Sometimes a simple social reminder might help. For example, you could encourage your child to introduce herself when she meets new children – ‘Hello, I’m Kaia. What’s your name?’

Often children make friends at school through playing the same game together – but it’s hard if you don’t know the rules. You could make sure your child knows the rules of games he wants join in with. If he doesn’t like the games other children are playing, you could suggest he starts a game that he does like by asking classmates to play it with him.

Some schools have a buddy system, where the younger students have an older student as their buddy for the year. If your child needs help finding her friends or isn’t sure of what to play, she could try asking her older buddy for help.

If your child has special needs, he might also need extra help with his friendships. You could try making friends with other parents and getting together after school at a playground. Give the other parents and children some ideas on how to include your child. For example, ‘Bill loves watching people play soccer. He can throw the ball in and be the scorer’.

If your child finds it hard to make friends at school, you could look for extracurricular activities  to give your child opportunities to meet children with similar interests. There are lots of things your child could try – sports, dance, art classes, Scouts and so on.

Friendship troubles: what to do

If you can tell your child isn’t happy about going to school, or she isn’t eating lunch or seems to be socially anxious, this could be because she’s having trouble making and keeping friends.

Talking with your child gives you a chance to hear about what’s going on. Some children will be happy to tell you, but others might find it hard. You can encourage your child by telling him about a friendship trouble you had as a child or by reading a story about friendship troubles. If your child isn’t ready to talk, let him know he can always come to you.

It can also be good to ask your child’s teacher whether the teacher has noticed anything different in class or in the playground.

If you suspect your child is being bullied or your child is bullying others, you need to step in and help your child.

If you’re concerned about your child’s friendships – for example, your child and her friends are doing things that are unsafe – talking is the best first step. For example, ‘Is it a good idea to jump from the top of the slide? You might get hurt’. This can help your child learn to make her own decisions, rather than just following friends.

Having friends who don’t go to the same school – for example, children from art class, neighbours or family friends – can help to boost your child’s confidence, especially if he’s having friendship troubles at school.