Of all the methods of breaking up that one can experience, few can be as hurtful and traumatic as infidelity. In most cases where this happens, people who get dumped for the other woman end up being blindsided by it. Or, they never actually get confirmation of the fact, which often makes the breakup that much worse.
The best way to defend yourself from this kind of breakup is to know the signs he's cheating on you and act accordingly. Though most guys may think they’re being slick about it, there are often clues that they are going to be pulling the trigger on you.
RELATED: 15 Telltale Signs He's Cheating On You + Body Language Signs To Watch For
Here are the biggest signs you need to watch for if you’re worried about being left for the other woman.
11 Signs He Has Feelings For Another Woman And Is Leaving You For Her
1. He’s been emotionally distancing himself from you.
When they decide to “make the jump" to the other woman, most guys start distancing themselves from their original partner. This shows itself in a number of ways, including a lower amount of eye contact, refusing to talk to you, getting icy towards you, and generally seeming less interested than he once was.
Along with being a classic sign of cheating, it’s also a sign that he’s checking out of the relationship.
2. You’re more like roommates than anything else.
This sign is unique in a number of ways, but mostly because it can be both the cause of him cheating and a sign that it’s about to be over between the two of you.
If you regularly rejected him for sex, this could be an indication that he will likely leave you for someone more interested in the long-term. If this started while you were making sure his needs were met, it’s a sign he’s getting it from someone else and is in the process of detaching.
3. The time he spends with you is shrinking rapidly.
When cheaters decide to jump ship from their main relationship, the girls they’re dumping quickly notice the amount of time they spend with their partners shrinking.
He’s no longer prioritizing you, spending as much time as possible with his future girlfriend instead.
4. Money is tighter than ever, and you’re footing most of the bills despite him having a job and working long hours.
This is one of the signs he's seeing another woman and is saving up for a divorce, spending all his cash on another woman, or funneling money towards another apartment.
This is also a sign you need to dump his mooching butt. After all, why are you supporting a cheater?
5. He stopped bothering trying to make things work.
Do you find yourself being the only one actually working to keep the relationship together? If so, he may be trying to be dead weight as a way to get you to dump him.
Or, more commonly, he could have legitimately just stopped caring to the point that he just has no interest in even keeping up appearances.
RELATED: The 6 Real Reasons Men Usually Leave Women
Advertisement Confused about your relationship? Get an Accurate Prediction today.
6. He starts hiding you from public view.
One thing that many cheaters do when they leave their main girl for the side chick is a slow fade of the main girl’s spotlight. This happens gradually, with guys often choosing to leave their wives at home during company parties. Then, the fade starts to happen online, too.
If you see this happening, it’s time to call it quits. He’s making his statement loud and clear.
7. He’s been caught cheating before, possibly with the same girl.
Generally speaking, guys who are repeat cheaters are more likely to dump you for another woman. They’re opportunists and tend to look to “trade up” whenever they see fit.
If you’re with a repeat cheater, you need to dump him before he dumps you.
8. There’s someone you have an increasingly bad feeling about.
This is both an indication of cheating and an indication that something just isn’t well with your relationship.
Most people who have been cheated on tend to have an idea who the other person was. Call it intuition or just observation, but most of the time, it’s the person you tend to feel most threatened by.
If you’re a normally relaxed person who’s getting a very sinking feeling around a person to the point of alarm, you may need to take that as a cue that he may leave you for them.
9. A specific person has started to take priority over you.
This is one of the biggest giveaways that you’re about to be replaced. A man typically prioritizes the woman he loves over all other women. If you find that he’s choosing to prioritize a girl who isn’t you, it’s almost certain he’s catching feelings for her.
If you have tried to talk to him about dropping a specific female friend who has been increasingly eating up time with him, and he refuses, it’s a good sign that he’ll eventually end up dumping you for her or just expect you to live in her shadow.
10. He tried to dump you out of the blue, and wouldn’t tell you a reason at all... but you reconciled.
A lot of times, when guys do a sudden breakup without any warning sign whatsoever, and won’t give a real reason for why they’re doing it, it’s because of another girl. If he’s tried to do this before, it’s almost certain he’s thinking about doing it again.
Similarly, if you were dumped this way, chances are extremely high that another girl is in the picture, especially if he started dating her a week after he left you.
11. You literally feel squeezed out of his life and his future.
Most people are pretty wise to when they are wanted and when they aren’t wanted in someone’s life. If you feel like he’s pressuring you to leave or if he keeps cutting you out of future plans, then it’s likely he’s looking to dump you. If you notice that someone else is being included more frequently, it’s very likely that he’s leaving you for someone else.
RELATED: A Letter To My Fiancé Of 11 Years Who Left Me For Another Woman
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a renegade writer who focuses on dating, relationships, love, and all sorts of lifestyle stuff. She writes about things she's experienced, things she finds interesting, and things that matter.
We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.
Women can be very competitive creatures.
But if your boyfriend or husband is being pursued by another woman, it’s far from amusing.
And it can be very hard to know how to deal with it.
Here’s how to respond effectively.
1) Never try to be someone else
Many women freak out when another woman is after their man.
If you want to know what to do when another woman is after your man, stay far away from feelings of inadequacy or blaming yourself for her behavior.
This is not your fault, and she has no power to take him from you if your relationship with him is strong.
One of the first instincts you may have is to change who you are or “upgrade” in order to keep your man away from the other woman.
This is a big mistake.
On the surface it seems logical.
After all:
Another chick wants to get her hands on your guy, and you need to make sure to demonstrate enough value to stop him from being tempted.
But go under the surface and it’s obvious why this is the wrong move.
Firstly, he fell in love with you, not the other woman.
Secondly, trying to shift who you are, your appearance or your behavior in order to be “better” than your rival is deeply insecure.
And insecurity is unattractive and actually just makes it more likely to drive him into her arms.
As Tia Basu advises:
“Don’t sacrifice your authenticity on your quest of how to make him forget the other woman.”
2) Relax until you know the facts
The thing about another woman hitting on your man and trying to seduce him is that it can remain as nothing more than that.
There’s no reason it has to escalate beyond a woman wanting your man and failing to get him.
If you’re wondering what to do when another woman is after your man, first of all relax.
The key thing to focus on is your relationship with him and your relationship with yourself.
You can’t really stop her from flirting with your guy and trying to snatch him away.
But you can make sure that he knows you love him and that you’re aware of what’s going on.
And you can improve the relationship you have with yourself so that you’re not insecure and having trust issues about your man.
As Susie and Otto Collins put it:
“Get clear about the facts as you know them before you try to talk with your partner about what happened.
“When looking at facts, double check what you think you know and rely on information that is trustworthy.”
3) Communicate clearly with him
If your man is being seduced by another woman who’s after him, he may be tempted or he may not be.
Either way, he’s probably feeling a little awkward, guilty, tempted or all three.
Your job is to communicate clearly with him.
Let him know that you’re not jealous but that you have certain boundaries and limits on how comfortable you are with him being around or speaking with this other lady.
That’s also why it’s crucial to be clear about exactly how she’s after him.
What methods is she using?
Does she text him? Work with him? See him at a group he’s part of? Flirt with him when he’s out with the kids or out with you?
Let him know what it is that you’re noticing and ask him what’s up.
Your man may not want to open up about what’s going on, but the least he can do is hear you out on why this matters to you and what’s going on in your head.
4) What’s his attitude towards her flirting?
The thing about what to do when another woman is after your man is to gauge his attitude.
First of all, did she start it or did he?
Secondly, how does he respond when you bring it up?
Is he secretive and obsessed or is it clearly not a big thing for him?
Is he willing to cut off contact when you confront him, or does he say he will and then continue flirting with her?
The truth is that your man is the important one in this equation.
His attitude and his attraction to her is the important thing.
5) Avoid accusations and acrimony
If your husband or boyfriend is being tempted by another woman, the worst thing you can do is jump in with accusations.
Unless you have solid proof that he’s been cheating, I highly recommend not pouncing on him and airing out all his dirty laundry.
It’s more likely that he’s just been testing the water and texting or sexting with a lady who wants to get her hands on him.
In this case, let’s be honest:
You have a right to be angry, but this is also not the end of the world.
Communicate clearly with your man and let him know that this isn’t acceptable to you.
But don’t go crazy over it, as that is likely to backfire and just drive him more into the other woman’s orbit.
6) Do not go after the other woman directly
Another pitfall you want to avoid is going directly after the other woman.
Whether this is over messaging or physically, confronting this woman isn’t going to do a lot.
At most it will blow up in your face and cause a big scene which eventually reaches its way back to your man’s ears sooner rather than later.
The truth is this:
You need to shut down what’s going on from your man’s side.
You can’t control what the woman does, nor what he does.
But you do have a relationship with him, and you can let him know about your concerns and why you’d prefer him to cut off contact with the other woman.
7) Set your boundaries and stick to them
One of the other common mistakes many women make when they’re facing outside competition is that they start to become overly flexible.
Being a doormat will not keep your man at your side, believe me.
What you need to do is set your boundaries and stick to them.
This is all about respecting yourself first and foremost, because the truth is that your husband is going to feel much more committed to you when he sees that you aren’t able to be walked all over.
Earn back his commitment by showing him that you’re the prize without even trying.
8) Maximize the strong parts of your relationship
The best thing you can do when another woman is after your man, is to strengthen the relationship you have with him.
He’s not going to wander off if he’s feeling fulfilled and in love at home.
For this reason, focus on building up the best parts of what you already have.
If you have an amazing physical connection, focus on that.
If your intellectual bond is epic, engage in those deep conversations that rock both your worlds.
If it’s your emotional connection that keeps you going through hard times, go away for a weekend to a retreat and see if some peace and quiet refreshes you both.
9) Analyze what it is you’re scared of exactly
Another important thing to do when another woman is after your man, is to work out what exactly you’re scared of and why.
Are you scared he’ll leave you?
What signs is he showing that he might be losing interest in you?
Is there some quality of the other woman that you feel makes her more attractive than you? If so, why?
Maybe you’re not scared he’ll leave, but you’re worried he’s going to cheat.
This then comes down to trust and your relationship with this guy.
Has he cheated before? What gives you reason to think he might cheat?
10) Offer him a choice
Trying to force your man to choose you will never work, which is why I’ve shared Amy North’s course and the Mend the Marriage resources.
The truth is that he has to choose you.
If he’s even wanting to choose the other woman, then there’s definitely work that needs to be done on the foundation and daily realities of your marriage.
A lot depends on how serious your relationship is and how firm a commitment you’ve made.
But if another woman is trying to steal your man, you can offer him a simple choice:
Her or you.
You have the right to ask for either more commitment or end the relationship.
If it’s gotten serious enough that he’s cheated with the other woman or clearly wants to, you may come to a point where you have to offer an ultimatum.
Hopefully it won’t come to that, but sometimes it does.
11) See the funny side of the situation
Every situation has a funny side, even a woman trying to steal your man.
As I recommended, confronting her is not a good idea.
But if someone is flirting with your guy in public or writing her number on a napkin for him and that kind of thing, you can try seeing the humor in it.
How pathetic and classless to hit on a guy right in front of his partner, don’t you think?
Feel free to even openly guffaw as she hits on him.
Why not?
It shows your guy that you’re not stressed and that you trust his judgment.
It also shows the woman that you’re not threatened by her flirtatious behavior.
Win-win.
Stand by your man
When another woman is after your man, it’s actually a chance to strengthen your relationship with him.
This doesn’t have to be about jealousy and “guarding” him from her.
It can be about letting him make his own choice and seeing that you’re the one for him.
It can be about standing by your man and being the only woman he truly wants.
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough but it doesn’t always mean your relationship should be scrapped.
Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Click here to get started.