Can a relationship last without romance?

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

here are many different answers to that question. Some would perhaps rather say: — Should The Relationship Survive, should it be permitted to go on like that? And many would clearly answer: No. A relationship, a marriage without sex isn’t a relationship / is not a viable marriage.

A relationship, a marriage is a complex and complicated thing. I write now about a relationship, a marriage that has lasted for years and that in the mind of one or both partners is still supposed to last for years to come.

I believe that most of us still are there, we believe in the relationship, we trust ourselves and our loved one and we plan for the future. We will stay together infinitely, if we can.

he plan is a good one. Most people, I suppose, have thoughts about their relationship / marriage that include a long horizon. I believe it is normal and in the nature of the human beings to think of the relationship in a long term. It is natural and it concords with the nature of the humans to build and maintain lasting relations and a long lasting relationship, over time, over many, many years.

— When the two partners have found each other and feel that they are deeply connected and love each other for who they are…

— When the partners have lived a period of intense union and they confirm each other through verbal, emotional and physical acts and start to feel deeply united…

— When the partners start to feel as one — and they at the same time both are fairly stable emotionally and psychically…

— then there is a moment when they perhaps say to each other:

We got it, we have a lifetime mutual commitment to each other.

Yes — then there is a moment when they may say to one another: We have it, we have a lifelong mutual desire for one another. We have children, we are family, we are past, present and future in one.

far, so good.

Love is here.

We adore and cultivate each other.

With words, with a glance and sensual gaze.

With smiles and infectious laughter, physical and spiritual presence, touching the bodies, one feels the other close, physically and mentally stripped, naked skin, erotic joy, tender and raw sexuality — all we can think of.

Most people, regardless of culture, country they live in and social belonging, primarily want to experience a long — preferably lifelong relationship with the person they love.

Based on the strong experience when they were falling in love, they stand on a solid rock to face years of hard work and challenges.

nd the years of hard work and challenges come. They always come, the years of hard work and challenges in the relationship.-

• People get tired and weary.
• People change. Their priorities and preferences change.
• The feelings change.
• Health can change.
• The mind changes.
• Nothing rests the same over the years. A man or a woman is not a static object.
• We develop, we change both intellectually and emotionally.
• I am not the man I was yesterday.
• You are not the woman you were a year ago.
• Life is always in a contuinuous process of change.
• You can never step down into the same water as you got out of a moment ago.
• You have started to think that sex is boring, because it is always the same thing with her. With him.

Almost every couple has to work it through this experience. That’s where the quality of the relationship reveals itself.

And what — exactly — is the quality of the relationship?

The quality of the relationship reveals itself in the ways the partners manage to talk together and find solutions to the problems that arise.

The quality of the relationship reveals itself in the ways the partners handle the challenges and successfully help each other when it is important to give support and to invest in the relationship.

No one is perfect, and most people also admit that they are not perfect, when they have the time to think it over a little.

he moment of truth is when the couple plunge into the deepest challenges and they have to come out with a viable solution.

Life in a relationship can indeed be very challenging!

But it also gives much back — when it is time to give back. There must be willingness on both sides to go back and try to fix things, and to help each other to be the best version of ourselves.

In a relationship between two humans almost everything can be fixed — if the basic conditions and the willingness are present.

But what if there’s no sex in the relationship — can the couple survive?

There is one basic rule for a relationship, let’s say a classic one, a relationship where there is a woman and a man involved. There is sexuality. In the beginning much erotics, much sex.

Then later the children demand more and more attention and energy — there is less sex — although there is still sex. Sex has to be a part of the couple’s intimate life. If not, the couple and the relationship is in serious danger.

hy is that so?

Humans are enormously complicated beings. We are — as everyone knows, capable of the worst — and the best.

In a relationship this truth shows up at least as often as elsewhere. Sometimes we are lazy. We get bored, and sometimes — not always — we meet up to the sexual intercourse with no engagement at all — and that’s sometimes a disaster.

Others cannot manage to have sex because of too many deceptions.

Others have medical reasons, while some are done with sex because it’s boring and not satisfactory.

hatever excuse people have for not having sex with their partner in the marriage or the relationship, when the partner needs sex — there is no excuse! Almost no excuse.

Clitoral stimulation is sometimes necessary if the female shall reach orgasm. This can create a problem in the relationship. Many women are not aware of that they might be subject to an orgasmic dysfunction. They do not know enough about their body to understand that they probably need clitoral stimulation during sex.

But this does not have to be a problem!

Imagine an example, a couple who have lived together for 20 or 30 years. They have children who now are grown up and are starting to produce grand-children for the benefit of their parents, who then become grand-ma and grand-pa. That’ so nice, so cute!

They slip into the roles of grand-parents and enjoy it, but for some reason or other, they begin to let go what was so important earlier in their relationship: erotics, tenderness and sex.

There can be numerous good reasons, physical or mental — anything. So the partner who does not feel the desire for sex any longer, let herself or himself go. Thumb down when then question arises: Shall we have s**— eh, be close to one another ... tonight …? Can we be together again, it’s such a long time since last… And for one of the partners there is an impatient movement, body language rejecting the careful proposal from the partner who misses sex.

What should be done is — I think — obvious. The relationship cannot live in a healthy manner without sex. The partner who does not feel the longing for sex must try to see the needs of the other — just like the other has become used to see the other and her or his lack of sexual need as an issue that is real. This lack of sexual lust should not be allowed to impact the couple’s life totally in a negative way.

What can they do, then?

ell, it is not that complicated. It’s about give and take, here as everywhere else in existence. There must be a balance and a practice in everyday life characterized by reciprocity and respect.

If a man thinks that his woman should be able to climax vaginally through penetrative sex — he should at least educate himself to become a man with a more realistic and accurate vision of this matter.

A woman who does not feel the need for sex in the relationship any longer should think seriously through the matter. Is it worth it? Is it worth it to let go the sex life of the couple? What’s the win — and what’s the loss?

Could it be that sex is an important glue in the relationship? Good sex makes the partners feel closer to each other. Good sex can compensate for many things that are not perfect in the relationship.

A primordial task and a challenge for the man in a relationship should for this reason absolutely be to learn to value the female orgasm.

Every man in a relationship should clearly become aware of and learn to practice clitoral stimulation.

Use your finger, play the instrument and fine tune it so that your relationship can continue to live and grow.

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